The Traditional English Restaurants of London

For those to whom the Greasy Spoon Café Concept is sacrosanct, please look elsewhere. S & M Café (short for Sausage and Mash before you jump to unsavoury conclusions) in Portobello, the eldest of the three S&M’s currently in London, was indeed originally such an establishment.

Under the current enlightened management, it saw the error of its ways and outlawed the deep fat fryer, as well as reviewing the contents and quality of what went under the grill and other more health-inclined bits of equipment.

Nor was that by any means the only change. S & M Cafes provide an efficient and wholesome service for those who like something fairly sharpish and the ability to ring the changes with additions and alterations, without the nagging thought that much as you may like what you’ve just ordered your medical advisor, assuming you are fortunate enough to be able to find one, would have a hairy fit.

So it’s out with the grease, chaps, and in with premium sausages, herbal teas, vegetarian compilations and cranberry juice. Which is not to say that you are left powerless to tuck away a good breakfast at four of the clock in the afternoon, should you feel so inclined.

Though by that time you have to accept the All-Day-Breakfast, consisting of London traditional sausage, fried egg, mushroom, beans, tomato, black pudding and toast and butter. The veggies strike back with the All-Day-Veggie version, which is as above but excluding all the naughty bits.

Then there is the gourmet sausage range, including the East Indian, described as ‘feisty’, which threw me slightly but I think I see what they mean. I suppose the ultimate in self-flagellation is the Organic S&M Special, using finest organic pork meat and a special blend of spices and herbs.

As a lifelong supporter of the noble sausage, with the figure to prove it, I can only applaud this determined effort to help us clean up our act and enjoy them without a bad conscience. Oh, by the way the mash is absolutely spot-on, not a lump in sight. S&M is doing a public service and should be given every support.

They also have some decent bottled beers and the like, with, amongst the soft drinks, a mysterious range of beverages called Fentiman’s drinks that owe their genesis to botanic brewing. There’s also delicious Victorian lemonade, said to be sausage friendly – the ultimate accolade.